I haven’t been scienterrific in awhile, so I decided to fix that. The inside of my football is fluffy and white, so I decided to do a taste test comparison between it and snow. Snow is very tasty, so I thought maybe I would discover a new snack source. If so, I would name it the snowball snack!

I carefully deconstructified the football and proceeded with the taste test as planned.

It didn’t taste nice like snow, but I ate quite a bit in hopes that it would improve.

But then I didn’t feel very good. Next thing I knew, I was at the Dr. throwing up my football. That wasn’t how I planned to spend my day. So, my expert scienterrific opinion is that footballs should be played with and not eaten. I hope this advice saves the rest of you some future troubles.

Although maybe it is only Bears footballs that taste bad? Maybe my squeaky football would taste better?

I needed to find out if a secret substance was inside of my orange tennis bally. It was a very important classyfried mission, critical to little dog with no tail security. You will have to trust me on that.

I carefully took off its skin. I started to eat it to hide evidence of the dissecticamation, but Mommy found it and took it away. I don’t think she told anyone about the secret mission though. I hopes not!

Inside was a gray rubbery substance.

It wasn’t what I was looking for, so I ate it. Or most of it anyway before Daddy saw it and took it. I don’t know why he wanted it—it didn’t taste all that good anyway.